Conscience With The NAKED Malfoy &HOW He Got Naked
by LameyDovey
Summary: Yes, Malfoy's naked in front of Hermione. So what? He might be naked then because he was... RAPED? Updated with a new, last chapter x: M for some language parts! hehee.
1. Conscience with the NAKED Malfoy

Disclaimer: What's not mine's Not. Mine.

**Conscience with the NAKED Malfoy **

Hermione was feeling very hungry and began her quest for food as she made her way to the kitchen under a Disillusionment Charm that she expertly cast on herself. As she entered the cold, vast kitchen where the 'poor elves' worked, she noticed that the elves had already cleared the kitchens and went on to do other chores. _They never stop working. One day, I swear I'll make them see their equality with us, humans._

She strolled to the center of the kitchen where a large rectangular oak table stood. "Wow." She muttered at the wide array of food available.

"Who's there?" An all-too-familiar voice resounded in the kitchen.

Hermione gasped. He could be anywhere in the room but he certainly did not know who or _where_ she was. _Hmm... _Hermione faked a voice that sounded much deeper and sterner than her real voice, "Malfoy, how _dare_ you sneak out of your dormitory! It's three hours past curfew!"

"_What?_ Who are you? Where are you? When did you come? Why are you here?" Malfoy interrogated, using all the five Wh's.

Using the same faked voice, Hermione reprimanded in _fake _severity, "I am your dearest conscience. Now, aren't you horribly guilty of being out of bed at one?"

Malfoy snorted from a position, where Hermione figured to be, somewhere in front of her. "Oh, my _dearest conscience_," he played along, "I'm famished! If I don't eat, I shall die of hunger… and then, what will _your_ conscience say? _Boohoo!_"

Annoyed, Hermione picked up a random object, which happened to be a raw chicken drumstick, and hurled it in the ferret's general direction. "Take that!"

"You missed." Malfoy said as the offending piece of raw flesh slammed into some pans hung on the wall, much to _his_ satisfaction. "Ha! Like you can ever hit _me_… So, Conscience, care to tell me why you are here even when it's _three hours after curfew_?" He attempted to imitate her but failed terribly as his voice was far too deep to reach Hermione's pitch.

Hermione crossed her arms haughtily, "I just want to eat, alright? I missed dinner." _Because I fell asleep while revising for History of Magic, but you'll not know this, prat._ "So please, Malfoy, be _kind_ and let me eat my fill." With that, she stepped towards the table cautiously and picked a bowl of salad and some other food items to indulge in. She took the pain to squat near the table such that Malfoy wouldn't see her bowl hovering in midair.

Funny how the kitchen's always stocked with such food even when the elves weren't present. Maybe they were expecting hungry people like them to visit…

After minutes of relative peace, Hermione decided that Malfoy probably just died somehow (nah, but a girl could only hope) and she ventured to sit on a short, flimsy stool in a corner of the kitchen and continued eating. As if to disprove her theory of having Malfoy drop dead suddenly, movement was spotted out of the corner of eyes. A glass was being filled with water from the tap and he was about to drink it when…

**SPLASH!**

_Ah_… the multi-functional tap water.

Water dripped from ends of her hair, forehead and down her chin... The potatoes in Hermione's bowl now looked absolutely revolting. "MALFOY!" She screeched, forgetting to use her fake voice. It didn't matter anyways. She was just going to kill the mindless bastard. How _dare_ he splash her with tap water unceremoniously!

"Whoa, if it isn't _the_ Granger, Know-it-all cum Head Girl. Nice to see you in the kitchen _after _curfew." Malfoy mocked.

The Disillusionment Charm had lost its effect, Hermione realised… He added _things_ into the water. "Fuck it, moron! I abhor you, remember that!" Hermione slammed her bowl down onto her stool as she got up from it.

"Mutual feelings." He answered.

"I just wanted to eat." She complained.

"Me too."

"Give me peace, scram!" She ordered.

"Tone, Mudblood. Your tone... I don't like it." Malfoy commented simply, still in his 'invisible' form.

Hermione took out her wand and muttered a spell in Malfoy's direction and soon, colours of Malfoy showed. And, horror of horrors, he was…

"AHH! Malfoy, you are STARK _NAKED_!" Hermione exclaimed in both disgust and surprise (mostly the former) as she threw a hand to cover her eyes. "Merlin, I'm going to wake up tomorrow with some sort of eye disease that may not even be a normal eye infection because I actually _saw_ the naked body of Malfoy… (mumbles, mumbles)... and he's such a disgusting prat with an over-sized body and an even bigger head..." She cursed, not even bothered to soak in more details of his naked body.

"Gee… You don't like what you see, do you?" Malfoy asked, stepping closer to her. Perhaps it hurt his ego that she covered her eyes at the sight of his naked glory. Well, served him right, really!

Hermione moved a finger away from her eyes and bravely took a peek. "_Ugh_, Malfoy! Who in their right mind would walk around _naked_!" True she said he was 'mind_less_' but this was too far! Suddenly, she gasped and opened her eyes wide and questioned, "You can't have been raped... can you?"

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**A/N: **Meant to be a funny, crappy and just nonsensical fic. But it turned out to be more crappy than it should be and not the least bit funny. But REVIEW! And if people _like_ it, I will write more crap! And even if you all don't like it, sulk for all you think I care. I will _still_ write crap (more, more, more!). Blah:D

Love, LD.

ps: Just updated this supposed one-shot with a prelude to the event here. Hope you like this! (smiles!)


	2. Prelude to his Nakedness!

**Disclaimer**: of course you will recognize what's not mine so I won't drone further on this note.

**A/N**: Hi! This is a sort of like a prequel to my supposed one-shot _Conscience with the NAKED Malfoy_ dmhg written about two years ago (which is just the previous chapter hehe)? Just felt like writing something (!!) so here goes!

Hope you like it!!

_a prequel  
_**How Malfoy Got NAKED**

Ron gaped at the plastic bottle pointing right at him with its capped end. Having chosen a Truth earlier on, it was his turn for a Dare… But he didn't even want to play _Truth or Dare_ in the first place! It was Kevin, a next-room fellow Gryffindor, who insisted on it because he "hadn't played it in ages". Right, like _that_ should have been a good enough reason to convince him to get into the game!

"So what's in for Ron?" inquired another boy who was in the game, excited by the prospect that they were going to give _Ron_ a Dare.

Kevin's eyes gleamed. "I've been thinking about this, Ron. I think it would be a great prank on that Slytherin brat…"

Having a hard time holding a steady gaze at Kevin, Ron shuddered. He almost felt like whimpering.

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"WHAT THE MERLIN CRAP?" roared Draco Malfoy.

His lackeys stuffed fingers into their ears (only, those beefy fingers could barely fit in properly – but they tried anyways), fearing the thunderous exclaim and terrified of Malfoy's foul mood. "Um… what happened?"

Malfoy did not bother to answer. He glared at the two over-sized trash at his door before turning back to face the wardrobe which was empty aside from a piece of note. How dare the person! How dare a somebody rob his glamorous wardrobe and leave nothing behind but a mocking note?!

Seething, he threw the wardrobe doors closed and plopped down onto his bed, hands clutching his wet hair. All that clung onto him was a skimpy piece of bathrobe and a towel that was draped on his neck, and he was still dripping wet. _Should have let one of these rubbish stand guard at the door of my room._

He just returned from a refreshing bath to discover the atrocity committed – his unnaturally empty wardrobe. It wasn't supposed to be so _empty_. It used to be rich with lots of expensive robes, limited edition shirts and very importantly, _high quality styling gel_. It used to be so well-stocked since about a quarter of his life was devoted to his exclusive wardrobe! _Used to be_.

But _POOF!_, some thief came in and took all his stuff, leaving him was so incredibly mad. Worse still, dinner had already started and he was really quite looking forward to a meal since he had not been able to go near any food since morning – studies was too demanding. Now, he couldn't get down to the Great Hall for dinner!

Why?

Because he was a shallow prick who wanted to be in his best attire for public occasions, occasions like dinner in the Great Hall, for example. And he wouldn't stoop low enough to wear any other people's clothes because those were _second-hand_ – he was a Malfoy! Malfoy and second-hand businesses did not go together, did they?

They DIDN'T!

In addition, he could not possibly depend on Crabbe or Goyle to smuggle him food from the Great Hall – he knew those two would definitely have already attacked the alluring food a step before they left the hall itself.

His stomach growled. "Oh, fuck this."

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"Wow!" Kevin exclaimed, seeing a whole truckload of expensive black robes and many more prized possessions of a certain blonde Slytherin lying in the middle of the room. "Tell me how you did it, Ron!"

Ron puffed out his chest. "I, for one, carry out his Dares." As he said it, he eyed the other boy who, Ron knew, had thought that he didn't have the guts to do the deed. "And you don't have to know how I did it." Well, he really owed it to Harry, actually, but they didn't have to know that…

Kevin, still wide-eyed, gushed, "Awesome! I've been dying to have these gels! The way Malfoy wore them was a_mazing_ – I mean," he coughed a bit, awkward, "not bad." Truth was: the whole point of the Truth or Dare game was just to dare someone to get the gel for him… Kevin beamed at Ron.

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"Hey Zabini." Malfoy opened the door to find, horror of horrors, a fifth-year girl and Zabini almost naked on a single bed. "Zabini! Have the _decency_ to lock the door, will you?"

Blaise Zabini snorted from his far-from-graceful position on the bed, "Have the decency to knock before entering, will you, Malfoy?"

"Get up. I want to talk to you." Malfoy ordered, ignoring Zabini's words.

Zabini kissed the girl lightly on the neck and muttered something into her ear before getting up in a flourish and donning a robe at the same time. _Thank Merlin he has his boxers on. _

"Right. So what's this all about?"

"My wardrobe was invaded." Malfoy divulged with a straight face, saying it as though it didn't _really_ bother him a lot. "So I can't get to the Hall for dinner but I –"

Zabini raised an eyebrow. "You serious? Are we talking about the same wardrobe here? The one you so worshipped you would practically offer human sacrifices to it to keep it gleaming?" questioned Zabini incredulously.

Malfoy looked indignant. "Hey, that's not the point alright!"

Zabini shrugged. "Then what is?"

Malfoy muttered something soft in response.

"Did someone change your throat with a snail's or something?"

"I am hungry." Malfoy growled in a low, dangerous fashion.

Zabini thought for a while, his fingers drumming his chin lightly. "Am I supposed to understand what you mean by you saying that you're hungry?"

"'Get me some food, prick.' That was what I meant, _o_kay?!" Malfoy replied, clearly annoyed.

"I don't like your tone. Go get it yourself." Zabini commented placidly. He was about to walk away before he added, "But seeing that you are a fellow Slytherin and all… My advice is: try the kitchen at one in the morning."

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_Pfft_. Malfoy only went to that darned Zabini because he was just next door since he couldn't possibly go knocking on every other door just to find a food delivery boy in his current state of appearance. _Should have known, really, that that rascal could hardly be of any use to me_, Malfoy silently berated at himself.

He had just written a letter to his mother to request for a new wardrobe-ful of robes, undergarments and of course, tubes of the very sacred styling gel to arrive in his room before dawn broke the following day. But he was still determined to make those filthy thieves pay – he had made this a resolution – after settling his stomach's woe.

"Merlin, I should have paid more attention to damn McGonagall and her damn clothes transfiguration spells." Malfoy cursed under his breath. Good thing was, he always preferred Flitwick, whom he could bully much easier, and knew just how a Disillusionment Charm worked.

So off he went to the kitchen, after consulting a large, simple but still useful map of Hogwarts in a section included in _Hogwarts: A History_, murmuring what turns to take at which junctions quietly to himself. He was only wearing that one piece of bathrobe in that late autumn and couldn't keep from shuddering as he walked in darkness…

"What's that I hear?" came a sharp exclamation. What Malfoy saw, ahead of him, was Peeve, the idiotic poltergeist.

_Shit, of all things!_ Malfoy attempted to just quickly meander past him to get to the end of the corridor since Peeve might not be able to see him anyways. Suddenly, a hard object hit him square on his back, knocking the winds out of him and causing him to lose balance and go crashing onto the cold, solid ground. "Gah! What the –"

"HAHA! Think I can't see you, do you? HAHA! Think again."

Malfoy fumed. Right, maybe poltergeists have some weird powers to help them see through his charm. He looked at the offending object lying beside him... MERLIN! He got struck by this bottle of… black ink – with an awful stench! "Why, you little conniving evil –"

"LALALA! I love your song. Keep singing! OH! I see another one there!" Peeves pointed a finger down another corridor, then, being the dramatic creature Peeve was, he sighed wistfully, "What a busy, busy night."

"PEEVE YOU PIECE OF SCUM, for Merlin's sake would you please keep it down?" Filch's voice filtered through the darkness.

Just as Peeve zoomed away, still cackling madly to himself, Malfoy hastily shrugged off the stained and stinky bathrobe – he couldn't have Filch see a patch of ink fleeing in the direction of the kitchen, could he! It did not matter if he was butt naked and top naked! His stomach ruled at the moment!!

Then, as he dashed towards the portrait to the kitchen, he could not help but wonder… _what_ was the 'another one' Peeve was referring to back there? But as the wall swung open after he whispered an easy password, all thoughts melted away as Malfoy stared at the grandeur of food on the table.

_It's feasting time!_

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**A/N**: LOLL. I don't know why I'm writing this but I hope that if you have finished reading this, LEMME KNOW BY **REVIEWING**!! I'm really high on pure adrenaline at the moment from completing this piece of fic.

I myself don't know why I'm writing this chapter as an add-on… but… well, I like things pointless anyways xD

THANKS IF YOU ARE READING AND/OR REVIEWING! If you don't like it, feel freeeee to say that too okay

LOVE! –**LD**.

ps: This is reposted as my friend told me that it would be better to put these two ('naked' series she called it!) relevant chapters together else you won't know what's happening and WHY the hell I'm writing this x.x HEHE.


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